She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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