i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
