I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
