you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
