She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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