Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
