My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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