I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
