At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
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So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize