He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
