His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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