I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize