Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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