No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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