Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
