Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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