You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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