Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
