hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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