I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
