My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize