Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
