The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If that was your dad, he is hot
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
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its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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