Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
