Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
