we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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