Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
