I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
