so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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