he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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