Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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