OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
