We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
