His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
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My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.