I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
BRING THE BAGELS
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