There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
