she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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