i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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