u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
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I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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