She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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