I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
