Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
