Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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