erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
