he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
