she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
