Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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