So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
