wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
