i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
