I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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