that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
