Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I know her cup size but not her name....
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
