Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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