I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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