hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
