I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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