Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
