If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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