i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
