It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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