I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
