That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
