there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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