toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
