I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
