Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
