How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
