remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Say something about gay babies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
did i walk over a car last night?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
