I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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