the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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