I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
