getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
