Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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