You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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