He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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