everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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