K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
